I’ve added links to Chapters and Amazon.ca for each book. As a note, I am an Amazon affiliate so I make a very small commission if you follow my link and buy the book there but that had no influence on the books I have chosen for this list.

Very Young Readers (Birth to Age 5)

And Tango Makes Three - This is the heartwarming true story of two male penguins at the Central Park Zoo in New York City, Roy and Silo, who clearly wanted to nest together and have a family. With the help of one of the zookeepers, the pair are given a fertilized egg to hatch and start their own non-traditional penguin family.  The book is 14 years old this year and it still constantly comes up on lists of the most banned children’s books in the US. Which of course made me need to read it, and the saying is right - banned books are the best.  Anyway, you can get a copy of And Tango Makes Three from your local Chapters or from Amazon.ca. The 10th Anniversary Edition - which came out in 2015 includes an audio CD of Neil Patrick Harris reading the book which is pretty awesome.

Mommy, Mama, and Me and Daddy, Papa, and Me - These two books are written by the same authors and are lovely tales about same-sex families going about their day. Like most board books, the text is rhythmic and the illustrations are captivating. I love how Mommy, Mama, and Me is a sweet board book about two mommies going about their day (available at both Chapters and Amazon) and Daddy, Papa, and Me is the exact same plot but with 2 dads instead of 2 moms (also available at both Chapters and Amazon).  They’re both beautifully illustrated and I can’t choose a favourite between the two.

Red: A Crayon’s Story - This is one of my favourite children’s books period. It tells the tale of a blue crayon that was mistakenly labelled as a red crayon. The crayon tries really hard to be red and teachers, parents, and friends all try to help Red be red. Except Red is blue - and when Red is allowed to be his true self, he is finally happy.  The book has been heavily criticized because some people think it encourages kids to be transgender (which is the biggest pile of crap ever - books do not “turn” people gay or transgender period). I think the book is a wonderful tale of accepting people for who they are, regardless of what their label says. The book will speak to those who know someone who identifies as transgender or non-binary, but it will also speak to people who have been labelled as slow, or have a disability, or who look different - because the message is that it’s what’s inside that counts not what the label on the outside says. Red: A Crayon’s Story is available at Chapters and Amazon and is a must read.

Mom and Mum are getting Married! - One of my favourite books in this category and is written by a Canadian. The book is about a little girl named Rosie who comes home to find her mom dancing happily because she is getting married to Rosie’s mum. It’s a great story that I came across while looking for a book for a friend about parents getting married. It’s really just a children’s book about a wedding between two people who love each other and happen to be the same gender. There isn’t a lot of discussion about both parents being women - and perhaps that’s what attracted me to it - how it normalizes the relationship. I also love kids books that have mom / mum spelled both ways - because I grew up with a mum and a dad and it was very hard to find books with the British spelling of mum! This book was hard to find for awhile, but happily both Chapters and Amazon have it back in stock!

Young Readers (Ages 6-10)

Note: Most of the books in the previous category can be enjoyed by older readers too.

Donovan’s Big Day - Another book about a child whose two moms are getting married and another I found while looking for a book about parents getting married from a child’s perspective. In the book (which is written by the same author as Mommy, Mama, and Me and Daddy, Papa, and Me), Donovan is very excited about the upcoming wedding of his moms because he has a very special job - he’s going to be the ringbearer. The book is a great read for young readers and is one I bought my friend’s son who was going to be a ringbearer because it captured the big day from a kid’s perspective. It’s available at Chapters and Amazon.

My Uncle’s Wedding - I was trying to find a book about two dads getting married but wasn’t finding anything great - until I stumbled across the book My Uncle’s Wedding. While not about dads, it is a great book about a same sex marriage between two men from the point of view of a young boy whose favourite uncle is getting married. It’s available at Amazon

The Family Book - I love Todd Parr’s books and used them when I worked with kids on the Autism spectrum because they were great at describing things like moods and feelings. I loved We are all Different and used it when I discussed diversity. I chose the Family Book for this post because in the primary grades a lot of emphasis can be put on families and it’s important for kids to know that families come in lots of shapes and sizes. Whether it’s two moms, two dads, a mom and a dad, a big family, or a small one, the book’s main message is that every family is special. You can get The Family Book (and all the rest of Todd Parr’s books) at Amazon and Chapters.

Sex is a Funny Word - This is a comic book aimed at kids between 8-10. Sex is a Funny Word is a great resource for kids and their parents / caregivers that discusses puberty, gender, bodies, and sexuality in an open and positive way. The book features kids of diverse races, different sexual orientations, and gender identities and is a great resource to have on hand to help answer the questions kids this age have. It’s available at Chapters and Amazon.

From the Stars in the Sky to the Fish in the Sea - This book is one I found at a library last year and promptly forgot about. It’s a lovely tale by Toronto author Kai Cheng Thom with absolutely gorgeous illustrations. The story centres on Miu Lan who is a very special child for they can change into any shape they imagine. There’s a problem though - they can’t decide if they want to be a boy or a girl, a fish or a bird, a flower or a shooting star.  Kids at school are mean and ask a lot of questions and Miu Lan has trouble finding friends to accept them for who they are. Miu Lan is comforted by their mother - and learns that no matter what they choose, their mother will always love them just the same.  It’s a wonderful story about acceptance, gender identity, and the power of love and is available at both Chapters and Amazon.

Middle Readers (Ages 11-14)

Stitches -Another book by an Canadian author, Stitches is a great book about a young boy named Travis who is bullied for liking “girl stuff” - such as fashion and puppets. While not exclusively about non-traditional gender roles, the book is a great read for the 10 and up age group and also features diversity in the characters with Travis’ best friend being in a wheelchair. A good introduction for the middle grades into LGBTQ+ characters. It’s only available as a digital book from Chapters at the moment and is available as a digital book and in paperback from Amazon.

Drum Roll, Please - This was one of my favourite finds in 2018 and I’m thrilled it’s coming out in paperback in 2019. The book is about a young girl who joins the school band at her best friend’s insistence and finds she loves to play the drums (at this point I was hooked). She heads off to a sleep away camp for two weeks where she will be able to play the drums to her heart’s content. Summer brings problems that are likely familiar to some of the tween set - Melly’s parents are splitting up, her best friend ditches her, she finds herself attracted to one of the other girls at camp, and she questions whether she has what it takes to be a drummer. It’s a wonderful coming of age tale that is handled with sensitivity and humour. The hardcover and e-book editions are available at Amazon and Chapters and the paperback edition is due out in May.

The Misfits - From the author of Bunniculua this is a heartwarming tale of 4 boys in grade seven who are best friends. All of them are different in some way and they are all teased / bullied about their difference. One of the characters, Joe, is openly and unapologetically gay. What makes this book remarkable is that these boys aren’t cast as the victims of the story - no they are the protagonists and are out to change the world. It’s a great and empowering read for anyone who has ever been singled out for being different. It’s available from Chapters and Amazon.

This was never meant to be a comprehensive list of LGBTQ+ titles for kids - just ones I’ve read and enjoyed and thought others might want to hear about. If you’ve got titles to add to the list, please leave them in the comments!

In the last decade, a plethora of business and self- improvement books have cropped up - all either extolling the virtues of saying yes or purporting to teach you how to get others to say yes to you. Always the contrarian, I’m going to spend some time explaining why saying ‘no’ has opened my life to far more joy and far less stress than saying yes ever did.

I’m not arguing that your default response to every situation should be no, however, I’m also never going to buy into the school of thought that contends that an automatic yes will instantly transform your life into sunshine and rainbows. As a female entrepreneur, the ‘yes is best’ philosophy has been drilled into me, but in conversations with male colleagues the same is rarely true. It may just be a function of the types of events I choose to go to versus the types of events my male entrepreneur friends attend.  I’m a creative entrepreneur (writer and editor) while they are overwhelmingly in the tech space, but I’m not convinced that some of the peace-making and people-pleasing parts of always saying yes isn’t due, at least in part, to differing gender expectations. 

Even when I have heard speakers praising the art of saying no, it’s never just a straight no. There are always catches - “no but” or “I’m sorry” or even “not right now”.  For far too long, I’ve been beholden to the belief that I haven’t earned the right to a no without explanations, worried that I might upset somebody by saying that an opportunity wasn’t a good fit for me or that it wasn’t the right time. As a result my plate got overloaded, I started resenting my work and my friends, and life became the antithesis of sunshine and rainbows. Training myself to see the word ‘no’ as a complete sentence has brought me so much relief and improved my relationships with friends and family because now when I say yes, I truly mean it.

Saying no isn’t anywhere near as easy as saying yes. When I was saying yes reflexively, I was often frazzled, resentful, and rarely mentally or emotionally present even if I was physically present more often. I did things because I was expected to or because I didn’t want to rock the boat, not because they were bringing me joy or filling my cup. When I said yes without truly meaning it, I also prioritized other people’s feelings and happiness above my own, subconsciously telling myself their happiness mattered more. I set myself up for failure and frustration without ever intending to do so, by trying to please everyone except myself. Saying yes took away my control of situations, which caused me to be anxious and depressed.

Saying no and meaning it has given me power. Now, I only say yes if I truly want to do something. This applies to both work and play. Even if it’s an exciting opportunity that other people are thrilled about, if it’s not right for me, then it’s not right for me and the answer is no. I’m less busy but when I do things, they are done with purpose, intent, and a new depth of focus I didn’t realize I was missing before. Saying no, and doing less has cured my FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) - I choose to not do things that don’t work for me and if I’m not invited to something, then I celebrate with my friends who are, and go about my business. My only regret? Not learning this lesson earlier in life.

It isn’t just my family that has been affected by cancer, but my friends as well. I can’t browse on social media these days without seeing mention of friends who are fighting cancer, have beaten cancer, or, more infrequently these days, have succumbed to cancer. I don’t want to lose any more friends to cancer. I don’t want families to be ripped apart by this awful disease ever again.

Which is why I’m a firm believer in donating to the Princess Margaret Hospital - because Princess Margaret Hospital is working to conquer cancer in our lifetime.  The Doves of Hope campaign is in its 17th year this year and last year raised over $1 million. In 2016, there were more than 12,800 doves - each in memory of a friend or loved one affected by cancer. You can let a virtual dove fly and donate to this important cause on the Doves of Hope website. Join me and help conquer cancer in our lifetime.

For those who don’t know what a sensitive Santa is the idea is pretty simple. Santa comes in early or stays late – before or after regular mall hours. Lighting is dimmed and musical decorations in Santa’s village are turned off. The mall usually turns the Christmas music down low or turns it off completely to create a more sensory friendly atmosphere. The event is usually kept fairly small to help kids who don’t handle crowds well feel more comfortable. The kids can go and have a chat with Santa – or not. They can sit on his lap, or stand beside him. It’s all about what makes the kids comfortable and able to enjoy the holiday spirit. Parents can purchase photos (sometimes they are supplied free of charge).  It’s a way to make a rite of passage for many kids accessible to those who wouldn’t otherwise be able to visit with Santa because of their special needs.

Demand for sensitive Santa visits is far exceeding supply and in many parts of the country, you have to travel simply to find a mall offering a sensitive Santa time slots. The other problem of course has to do with the nature of Autism and other sensory processing disorders. Even if you manage to book one of the elusive time slots, there’s no guarantee that your kiddo is going to be up to meeting Santa that day. Tickets for these events tend to be non-transferrable so the slot then goes to waste. I understand it’s a highly popular event and that time slots are needed, however when you are running an event that is marketed towards special needs children (or any children really), there should be flexibility and compassion built in.

There are a few wonderful events that don’t cap tickets and simply require that you pre-register. So far I know of the following:

2017 Sensory Friendly Santa Events

Through Children’s Treatment Network Simcoe York

(preregistration is required for events but attendance is not capped – click on event name for link)

Orillia also has a sensitive Santa event on Saturday December 2nd from 12-4:30 pm at the Orillia Public Library.  You need to RSVP using the link on their event page to reserve a 15 minute slot with Santa in their fireside room.

The Ottawa area has a host of sensory friendly Santa time slots at local malls set up through QuickStart – Early Intervention for Autism.  No registration is required but all events are first come first serve

These are all of the sensitive Santa events I have found that aren’t already sold out, but I could have missed some. If you know of a sensitive Santa event in Ontario that still has space available please email me!

My alarm went off at 6 am the next morning (do I know how to vacation or what?) and I got up and ready for the day, grabbed a cereal bar, filled up my water bottle, and headed out the door to walk to Ottawa City Hall where my friend Amanda and her family were placing a piece of the wooden map of Ottawa for the new Wall of Inspiration.  I’d planned to spend the day with Amanda so it made sense to meet her there - but the event started at 8am with doors opening at 7:30. Knowing how I tend to get turned around in a new city, and that the bus system in Gatineau was confusing at best and downright unusable at worst, and given that it was only 5 kilometeres to Ottawa City Hall, I figured I’d set out on foot and give myself an hour so I wasn’t sweaty and gross when I got there.  I was out the door by 6:40 am but walked almost a kilometre in the wrong direction and had to double back thanks to directions that told me to head “southeast” without giving me a road name to walk towards. Oops. Once the sun started coming up behind me I realized I was walking west (though still mostly south) so I turned around and got back on my route. It took most of the hour to get there, but when I did I was rewarded with a hug from Amanda and Zoe so it was totally worth it. They also had some amazing food set up around the atrium and I got to try chicken and waffles for the first time - surprisingly they were a good combination. The coffee was divine - I had an Americano and considering I’d already been up for 3 hours and that was my first coffee of the day, it was very welcome.

After the ceremony, Zoe took the boys back home before heading into work and Amanda, Alexis, and I went to do some exploring. Alexis didn’t have class until the afternoon so she hung out with us (and was the photographer for our first stop). Amanda asked where I wanted to go and I said surprise me and take me to some places I’d likely not find on my own. She certainly delivered on that.  We did the driving tour of Ottawa neighbourhoods, drove around the Experimental Farm, and stopped for (more) coffee. Our first official was Hog’s Back Park - which is a gorgeous natural oasis in the middle of the city. We hiked, talked, and watched some squirrels demonstrate the exact opposite of consent culture - the male did not take no for an answer! We spent a solid 45 minutes exploring the park, watching the ducks (so many ducks), and generally decompressing in nature.

After Hog’s Back Park, we dropped Alexis off to catch a bus to her classes and Amanda and I took off to Almonte, Ontario in search of  what Amanda deemed “the best butter tarts in the world”.  I remained skeptical in that I’ve had a lot of butter tarts in my day and more than a couple claimed to be the “best in the world”.  We got to Almonte and decided to do a little shopping before we bought our butter tarts. Almonte may or may not have the best butter tarts in the world but it has some amazing antique shops. I didn’t do any purchasing but I have buyer’s regret over a couple of things I passed up. I couldn’t wait any longer and we went to Baker Bob’s for butter tarts. Baker Bob’s is the quintessential small town bakery - the smell of fresh bread and sweet treats wafted towards me as soon as I opened the door, wrapping me in a delicious olfactory hug. Amanda, being a veteran aficionado of Baker Bob’s butter tarts, guided me to the back of the store where the good stuff was kept. I picked up one butter tart - because there was no way it was going to make it home and I really didn’t need more than one butter tart, and Amanda picked up some treats for her family because she’s an awesome wife. Pretty much as soon as we got back to the car, I started in on the tart - it was perfection. I’m not sure if it’s the best butter tart in the world, but it’s definitely a contender. The crust was lighter than most and more of a pastry crust than is traditional in butter tarts - which makes a big difference. The filling was sweet, but not too sweet which I have often found to be a problem with butter tarts. The colour was perfect and it was just big enough to satisfy my craving.

After butter tarts, we went back to Ottawa and did a little retail therapy at Michael’s where I bought a new set of metal stamps (which was not a smart move since they’re heavy and I still had about 8 hours to go in my day) and then we were off to the thing I’d been looking forward to the most on my Ottawa trip - my first poutine. Yes, you read that right, I’d never had poutine before. When Amanda found out I was a poutine virgin, she was adamant that my cherry be popped in Quebec; specifically at La Patate Glacée in Gatineau. Once again I was skeptical, and once again I was proven wrong. Amanda ordered in flawless French, and I meekly said “I’ll have the same” except I switched out the diet coke for a sprite. The house gravy was amazing. Amanda explained that many places don’t use house gravy and instead use a beef gravy for poutine which is good, but not as good as the house gravy. Now that I’ve had both, I have to agree and will go for house gravy whenever possible.

Having checked poutine off my bucket list, Amanda and I drove around the neighbourhood where she grew up, and she pointed out all the fun things that wouldn’t make it onto a tourist flyer. I found out where the wrong side of the tracks were, which houses are definitely haunted, and saw some of the places that shaped my wonderful friend into the person she is today. I love local history so a personalized tour was pretty much the best thing ever. We dropped in on a friend of Amanda’s who I’d met online, and then went to pick up Alexis after her school day ended. Amanda graciously agreed to drop me back off downtown as I had more on my agenda for the day. She dropped me off near the Byward Market - somewhere I’ve loved exploring in the past. When I was in Ottawa for the 2004 Grey Cup, my friend Chris and I found a tea shop that served what I remembered as one of the most amazing Japanese cherry blossom rose green tea. I was resigned to the fact that I wouldn’t find it again or that it would be gone - a lot changes in 13 years. But as I was walking towards the market, I saw the sign. The owners had changed but the tea shop remained in the same place and they still had the tea. I went in, ordered a pot of the tea and sat down and recharged both my literal and figurative batteries.

Tea finished, I explored the Byward Market on foot and then headed into the labyrinth known as the Rideau Centre to warm up as it had dropped about 15 degrees from the previous day and I was freezing. I found a shop selling Canada 150 hoodies for 50% off and since I was looking for something Canada 150 themed anyway I bought one, removed the tags, and managed to find my way back out of the Rideau Centre (not an easy task) and headed over to the National Gallery of Canada to meet up with my friend Lara and take advantage of the free entry between 5 and 8 pm on Thursdays. Lara and I met up in the entrance, and toured a couple of galleries chatting the whole time. I had been to the National Gallery on both school trips but when you’re forced to appreciate something, you rarely actually do. Going back as an adult, and with a friend, I loved the National Gallery. I’m not an artist, but I appreciate art, and loved the focus on First Nations artists and female artists that the National Gallery is trying to encourage. I think we made it through three galleries before closing and that was about as much art as I could take in during a single visit. Remember those metal stamps I bought in the early afternoon and lugged around for the rest of the day? The National Gallery, had a free coat check - so I checked my hoodie (it was warm inside the gallery), and my big tote bag with my camera bag in it and just carried my purse around the gallery with me. Bliss.

Lara and I said our goodbyes, attempted a dimly lit selfie outside the Gallery, and I headed off to the Heart and Crown to meet an old friend for diner. My talent for getting slightly lost did not fail me and I walked past the restaurant twice before actually turning down the street where the entrance was. We had a great Guinness stew, beer (naturally) and enjoyed reconnecting before I gratefully accepted a ride home (my feet were beginning to protest all the walking I’d done and I was getting the start of a blister on my left foot). Once again I happily fell into my bed, exhausted from a day full of fun and friends. When I checked my fitbit (which had buzzed at me around 9 am at the United Way event at Ottawa City Hall), I’d done 23,000 steps. No wonder I was tired!  Luckily Friday and Saturday were looking to be less walking and more touristy - which is good because Sunday I was scheduled to be hiking in Gatineau Park. More about that next time!

One thing with solo travel is that if you’re driving, you need to remember to stop and stretch your legs, and give yourself a break during the drive otherwise it gets monotonous. I stopped for lunch on my way into Ottawa, and then some severe weather made me make an unplanned stop that turned out to be an awesome experience.  I took Highway 7 instead of the 401 because I knew there would be more places to stop on the way and I figured it would be a nicer drive all around. I was right - the leaves were just starting to turn, there are some really neat small towns, and the scenery is pretty great too. The weather was quite nice for the first 3.5 hours of the drive, but then it took a turn for the worse, and I got caught in a downpour so severe I felt it was best to pull off the road and wait it out. Luckily, I happened to pull off the road in Perth, Ontario, across the street from the Perth Brewery.  Since one of the goals of my trip was to drink good beer, I took where I was stopped as a sign and headed into the brewery for a peek and a sample or two.

The Perth Brewery looks pretty standard from the outside, and if you’re not paying attention and don’t know it’s there would be easy to miss as you drive down Highway 7, but once inside you can see the beer being brewed, there is a gorgeous bar with all of their beers on tap, and a nice seating area where you can sit and have a pint. I was impressed with the variety of beers on tap - naturally I tried the amber since they’re my go-to beer style. The Easy Amber was quite nice but surprisingly wasn’t my favourite beer at the brewery. That honour went to the Bonfire Black Lager. The person manning the taps was extremely knowledgable about all the beer styles and told me how the black lager is made (since lagers are tradtionally much lighter colour-wise). She asked me about beer tastes and recommended a few other beers that I might enjoy. Since I was driving, I limited my samples to three, and bought the variety pack to take home.

Beer safely stowed in a cooler in my hatch, and the rain having slowed down considerably, I continued on my way to my Air BnB in Gatineau.  I was originally going to get a hotel in Ottawa, but I left it a bit late and there were almost no rooms available anywhere for the first two nights of my stay (at least none under $450/night and I wasn’t going to pay that for a room I was going to be in for at most 9 hours a day). I ended up finding a cute little apartment, about 40 minutes walking time to the Ottawa side of the river. An apartment ended up being the best option since the beer had to be kept in a fridge and I was planning on buying a 2kg bag of cheese curds at Costco which would need refrigeration. It was my first Air BnB experience and while I liked it, I do quite enjoy the amenities hotels have - like coffee shops, transit information, and pools or gyms - so I won’t be abandoning hotel stays any time soon.

The storm that I had been forced off the road for in Perth had made its way to Ottawa, and there were trees down along the roads I was driving, a little unusual for September storms but nothing that I haven’t seen before. I had my GPS helping me navigate, and was driving along - when I noticed the trees almost swirling. “Uh oh, here’s round two” I thought. Turns out it was a downburst associated with the thunderstorm and the sudden wind knocked over some trees that had been damaged in the earlier storm - including one that was maybe 25 feet in front of me. Thankfully I was going slowly because it was an unfamiliar area and there were a lot of branches down so I was able to stop in time (as was the person behind me). I was more than a little shaken up, but the police and city workers were very close by and had the road cleared within minutes. While I was waiting, I messaged both my friend who I was supposed to meet for dinner and my Air BnB host, telling them I was going to be a little late because of the storm and a tree almost falling on my car. My friend agreed to pick me up at the Air BnB to save me walking to the restaurant which was awesome. Once I navigated over the bridge and into Gatineau, it was a really quick drive to the apartment. I got the keys and a brief tour of the apartment, grabbed my purse out of my car, and went off to Les Brasseurs du Temps for dinner and a well deserved beer.

The atmosphere at Les Brasseurs du Temps is pretty special. It’s not like a lot of brew pubs where either the food or the beer takes a back seat, both are equally important. The restaurant also has a beer museum within it, and it was a joy to wander through and learn about the 160 year old history of brewing in the region. We started off with the deep fried cheese curds. There wasn’t even much debate - as soon as I saw that on the menu, I knew I was going to try them. They were served piping hot, and while they certainly won’t qualify as health food, they were delicious.  A little firmer than a mozzarella stick, but with a similar breading. I’m still drooling over them two weeks later, they were that good. I decided to go with beer battered fish and chips for dinner - they use their own beer in the batter and fish and chips is a good, allergy safe option for me. Again, it was delicious. I could taste the beer in the batter but it wasn’t overpowering the way some are.  I started with a glass of water, and checked out the fully bilingual beer menu trying to decide which one to try. When I couldn’t decide on one beer, my dining companion helpfully suggested trying the clock. I have awesome friends.

The clock is exactly as it sounds - a sampler tray of 12 beers, arranged in a clock pattern. The beer menu is in the order of the clock so the first beer listed is at one o’clock and so on. The samples are 3oz each, so it was a good thing I wasn’t driving anymore. I tried every one, and finished all but three. The three o’clock beer had lavender and chamomile and my throat started to get itchy after my second sip so I abandoned it even though I did quite like the beer.  The seven and twelve o’clock beers were both stouts and while I can appreciate a good stout, I don’t generally enjoy drinking more than a sip or two of them. Of the rest of the beers on the clock, I quite enjoyed L’allumante - a nut brown ale that was very smooth and had a hint of caramel in the aftertaste - and though I’m not generally a pumpkin spice kind of girl, La Scie Trouillarde pumpkin ale is the kind of pumpkin flavour I can get behind.  Truth be told though, any of the beers on the clock would have gone well with the food and the wait staff were certainly knowledgeable about both the food and the beer list and happy to help. I suspect that Les Brasseurs du Temps is going to be a must visit every time I’m in the Ottawa area because it’s just that good.

Full of good food, great conversation, and delicious beer, my friend dropped me off at my Air BnB and I unloaded my stuff from the car, chilled out in the apartment, and went to bed happy, but exhausted. In my next post I’ll talk a little less about beer and more about my first taste of poutine and exploring in and around the Ottawa area.

I realize that not everybody is as into history as I am and that may explain some of the confusion surrounding these terms. Historic and historical are terms I’ve become very familiar with over the years as a history major but it’s quite possible others don’t realize they’re not interchangeable. (Although major news networks have editors who should know this sort of thing). They are both adjectives, which undoubtedly doesn’t help the matter, but the main difference is this:

Historical is always used to describe events that occurred in the past (and not the recent past), while historic can be used to describe both events in the past and current events that will become important to history in the future. Thus a hurricane can be historic but is not historical - unless it is swirling figures from history around near the eye of the storm.

Yes, in the grand scheme of things it’s a small error, and I know in time these hurricanes will be historical events but that time is not now and every time I am watching or listening to the news and hear about how much damage the current “historical hurricane” is causing I’m going to think about historical figures being swept up in a hurricane and deposited on random islands / territories. Because it at least brings a little levity to an otherwise horrific situation.

Historical (his·tor·i·cal) Adjective

1. Something of, relating to, or having the character of history or past events.
2. Something belonging to the past, not the present.

Historic (his·tor·ic) Adjective

1. Something famous or important in history
2. An occasion or person having great and lasting importance.

You see, normally on a CFL sideline you’ll see coaches, training staff, and injured players decked out in golf shirts (or in cooler weather sweatshirts or jackets) emblazoned with the team’s logo on it. Sometimes you’ll see a t-shirt or two but they’re not as prevalent as the polo shirts or golf shirts. On August 13^th^, almost every player, coach, and staff member I could see was sporting a grey shirt with a very simple yet poignant message: Diversity is Strength. The back of the shirts had the names of 32 CFL players representing the diverse nature of the league. Some of the names I recognized immediately, they were the legends of the game I’d heard tales about growing up. Others were players or coaches that I’ve been fortunate enough to get to see or meet during my lifetime of being a CFL fan.

Naturally, I headed over to Twitter to find out what these shirts were all about and how I could get one. I wasn’t the only one judging by the replies to the tweet by the CFL official handle that introduced the shirts.  It turns out that the shirts were slated to debut in the fall, as part of the celebration of Canada’s 150^th^ Birthday this year, but after the events in Charlottesville, the league felt they should be brought out early. They talked to both teams involved in the game on August 13^th^, received positive feedback from everyone and flew them out so that everyone who wanted to could wear them on the sidelines. The shirts were a joint effort between the CFL Alumni Association and the league itself. Originally they weren’t going to be available for fan purchase but when the reaction to the shirts was so overwhelmingly positive, the league made them available and I ordered one without a second thought. My twitter feed was full of fans who felt the same way as I did – “please let me buy this shirt”:

Please tell me these are available for purchase. Please.

— Erik McKee (@YYCRed) August 13, 2017

The names on the shirt tell the tale of the CFL – a league where the colour of your skin didn’t affect your chance of starting (though the country of your birth might due to the import rule).  I grew up idolizing quarterbacks like Tracy Ham, Warren Moon, and Damon Allen – amazing quarterbacks who happen to be black and didn’t think anything of it until an American friend commented about the CFL having “a lot” of black quarterbacks.  I knew about Bernie Custis – the first black man to play quarterback in Canadian professional football. Custis played for the Hamilton Tiger-Cats in the 1950s, at a time when the colour of his skin made him ineligible to play his chosen profession in the NFL (he was drafted by Cleveland and they told him he had to play safety instead of quarterback, not due to skill, but due to his race, Custis declined and came north of the border to play).  Tom Casey was the stuff of legend on and off the football field. He was the first black player to be inducted into the Canadian Football Hall of Fame in 1964, but that’s not what impressed me at first. What made him a legend in my eyes was that the man was going through medical school while playing professional football for the Winnipeg Blue Bombers. As if being a professional football player or medical doctor wasn’t time consuming enough, Dr. Tom Casey did both – while playing on both sides of the ball as was common in the 1950s.  He’s basically superman in my mind.

Then there was Normie Kwong – born in Alberta to Chinese parents, he was the first CFL player of Chinese heritage. Zenon Andrusyshyn was a legend to me growing up – he was born in Germany but grew up in Ontario and became a punter for the Toronto Argonauts. He still holds the record for the longest punt in football history – 108 yards. There’s also Bobby Singh who was born in Fiji to parents of Indian heritage, he’s the only player to have won a Grey Cup, a Super Bowl, and an XFL championship.

Seeing the names on this shirt made me so incredibly proud to be a fan of the CFL. Many of the names made me smile – Noel Prefontaine and Troy Westwood were more of my place kicking idols, Ron Lancaster and Wally Buono are coaching legends, and Angelo Mosca is one of the greatest characters in CFL history – he was also a professional wrestler and there was a now legendary fight between him and Joe Kapp at the 2011 CFL Alumni Luncheon over a hit in the 1963 Grey Cup game.

Today, I wore my shirt proudly as I drove up to the cottage for a weekend away with friends. I made two stops on the trip, and both times people came up to me to tell me how awesome my shirt was or offer an anecdote about one of the names on the back. The stories behind the names on the shirt are ones of inclusion, strength, and what makes the CFL so awesome. The current league slogan fits perfectly with the theme of the shirt – because diversity and inclusion are What We’re Made Of.

Another thing I’ve been involved with for longer than I want to admit (but pushing 20 years) is Argonotes - the Toronto Argonauts’ Band. At least we were the Toronto Argonaut’s Band until 2017. As much as I don’t like change, I’m usually okay with it when it’s a choice I have made, less so when it’s something forced on me. I’ve been in the band since my last year of high school, throughout multiple degrees, some really tough personal times, and some absolutely horrific football teams.  For me, it wasn’t just about football or just about music - it was a combination of the two along with some amazing people. Some of the best friendships I’ve made started in Argonotes and some of my favourite memories are with the band. Now, with your indulgence, I’m going to go through some of my favourite memories with the band.

In 1998 the Argos made it to the Eastern Semi-Final in Montreal - the team invited us to share their via train to Montreal. It was a last minute scramble to make it but I had such a blast. My roommate Ingrid and I weren’t old enough to drink in Ontario but were old enough to drink in Quebec so our beloved Dictator, Steve, told us we couldn’t go into the hotel bar for any reason. We got bored and decided to explore rue Sainte-Catherine, where our hotel was located but Steve was in the hotel bar with other members of the band so we couldn’t let him know where we were going. In retrospect, leaving him a note to say “exploring Ste. Catherine Street, back by morning” probably wasn’t the best choice of words to make him not panic. In our defense, we did not go drinking and were back in our room by 11pm.  Now, I can’t say we didn’t try the special hot chocolate that the vendor near Molson Stadium used to sell spiked with brandy, but when in Rome right?  I was with the band at SkyDome (it will *always* be SkyDome to me) when Pinball took his last run on September 15. 2000 - we played Pinball Wizard for him, and after he retired he became a friend of the band and even played kazoo and drums on occasion. Pinball was the only thing or person that could make us feel safe in Ivor Wynne Stadium - even the Ticats fans loved him enough not to throw stuff at us when he was near.  I went to a number of Labour Day Classic games with Argonotes - and we’d always hear the same refrain from the fans “Argos Suck but we love the Argonotes”.  Inevitably, we’d be asked to play the Ticat Marching song, although we were often the only ones in the crowd who knew the words to our arch-rival’s theme song.

We played at lots of Argos related events over the years, and more than a few non-Argos related ones. I loved doing Fan Day - it was always a great time and inevitably we’d have a player or player’s kid (or six) come and “join” the band and play. Usually that meant giving them a “hitty stick” and letting them bash on the bass drum or a cowbell. We never played for more than about half an hour but we had a great time and helped make sure everybody else had a great time too. In 2011, we were even asked to be in a TSN commercial celebrating the CFL. We had a ton of fun that day, and many of us took the day off work to be there. We went to as many Grey Cup and Playoff Road games as possible, for a band that is all volunteers and pay their own way to events including hotel and food. In 2010, we traveled to Moncton, New Brunswick for a game. I had the pleasure of driving out with Steve and the equipment you can’t easily put on a plane - namely the bass drum. I don’t remember who won the game but I remember how much fun the whole experience was. We had some players from the Mount Allison University Pep band join us.

I think the times when the band felt most appreciated by the team were the years with Keith Pelley as CEO of the team - he loved the band and what we brought to the game day experience. We had a stage in the endzone for a few years - it led to all sorts of fun like the tuba / sousaphones attempting to “catch” balls in the bells of their instrument, the band needing to pay more attention to the game because of wayward balls and players, and seeing players chuckle at some of our musical jokes. We all used to groan at Steve’s jokes, but I think those are one of the things I’m going to miss most. Playing “Hold that Tiger” when the Argos got a holding penalty against the Ticats, “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” when we played BC, “Green Acres” when Saskatchewan was in town, “Alouette” for Montreal, and “Winnipeg the Pooh” (AKA the Winnie the Pooh theme song) when the Blue Bomber’s players were being introduced. It wasn’t just the opposing teams we took aim at - when a challenge flag was thrown, we’d launch into the theme from Jeopardy. Whenever Keith Pelley walked by we’d show him our appreciation by playing “Sharp Dressed Man” by ZZ Top. When the Argos’ kicker was Noel Prefontaine, we’d play “The First Noel” in his honour whenever he kicked a single. We even attempted to learn Hawaii 5-0 for Chad Owens. If there was a musical gag or pun possible, we’d go for it with gusto.

What a lot of fans, and assuredly the current Argos management, don’t realize was that we were a dedicated group of volunteers. Many of us drove hours to get to the games, regularly coming from as far west as Kitchener-Waterloo, as far east as Oshawa, and as far north as northern York Region. We all paid dues to cover the expenses but Steve kicked in his own money more often than he should have. We bought our own jerseys and jackets.  Steve bought us some wonderfully underappreciated bucket hats one year. I still have mine. On game days, the band would meet 1.5-2 hours before kick off, play around the stadium (at the Dome that meant going from our meeting spot at Front and Simcoe to a few bars and restaurants along Front street, then doing a circuit around the stadium before going in), interact with fans, let any kids around look at / test our instruments (especially the drums), and head into the stadium. We’d play during breaks in play for the fans in and around us, play once or twice for the in-stadium cameras, and wander around the stadium playing for different groups of fans. We had fans who would always request the same tunes from us and would seek us out to come and play for a birthday or other special occasion. Immediately after the game, we’d head out and play at gate 2 for 20ish minutes and amassed pretty good crowds, win or lose. Year after year we’d see the same fans in our gate 2 postgame concerts, and I lost count of how many times I heard after a particularly bad loss “Well the game sucked but thank goodness for Argonotes”. When we won, we would often play (and sing) “Argos Rule the CFL”,”You Ain’t Seen Nothing Yet”, and “Go Toronto Argos Go  Go Go”.  For the first few years of my Argonotes experience, when we lost we’d break out “Always Look on the Bright Side of Life” by Monty Python but that was replaced by “Heartbreak Hotel” later on (providing we had enough saxaphones).  We had choreography for some numbers in our post-game shows - it didn’t always work, but we always tried to be as entertaining as possible for everyone. Especially if it was a stinker of a game, we’d go out of our way to make sure people left with a good memory. Steve would step aside and let anyone who wanted to conduct the band. You’d think it would screw us up to have random people waving their hands at us, but we generally didn’t pay that much attention to Steve so having someone different waving their hands at us didn’t throw us off at all. We were a part of thousands of fans’ gameday experiences - but not a part of the team’s plans anymore.

One last favourite memory, although I haven’t come anywhere close to describing all of the amazing times I’ve had with Argonotes. In 2004 the Argos made it to the Grey Cup. We didn’t have tickets for the game but somehow Steve found out that there was a room in the recesses of the stadium where we could watch the game. We were having a blast at the event - Grey Cups are always a ton of fun - we love the Spirit of Edmonton room and they love us even if Steve has to remind us not to drink the “orange juice” when we play at the breakfast on Saturday morning (mostly because we always have a full day of playing ahead and the orange juice is never just orange juice there). Midway through the 4th quarter, Steve notices the Mounties are gathering at the front of our little room with the Grey Cup. Of course we all crowded around to get a better look - which was allowed providing we didn’t touch the shiny trophy and get our fingerprints all over it. As the time ran out, the Mounties prepared to take the trophy on the field and it was then that Argonotes taught a very important lesson. If you look and act like you belong somewhere, nobody will question you. And that, my friends, is how the Argonotes came to be on the field celebrating the 2004 Grey Cup victory much to everybody involved with the team’s surprise.

Which brings me to my Word Wednesday word. I’m trying very hard to get to the “Don’t cry because it’s over, Smile because it happened” stage but I’m not there yet. I’m mourning the loss of this extension of myself. It is an end, but not necessarily the end.  I’m not 100% sure what is coming next for myself or the Argonotes other than we’re reuniting for one game on July 24th to celebrate the 1996 and 1997 Argonaut teams that won the Grey Cup. Back then, Argonotes was in its infancy; now it’s at an end.  To all of the people I’ve met through the band (especially Steve Hayman who gave Argonotes so much of his time, energy, money, and passion), from the bottom of my heart THANK YOU. There’s nobody I’d rather play 15B while watching a game with.

End (end) noun

1. A final part of something, especially a period of time, an activity, or a story.
2. The furthest or most extreme part or point of something.
3. Something incomplete, fragmentary, or undersized.

I’m an enthusiastic gardener, but I’m not all that adventurous. I tend to stick to plants I know will thrive and plant the same thing in a couple of different gardens if I like it. I’m also quite Darwinian in my gardening. New seedlings and plants I’ll try to water daily (when I remember) but after the first year - if it can’t survive without me fussing over it, it’s not going to survive in my garden.  I love pretty flowers but I don’t like planting them so aside from a hanging basket or two and some vegetables in planters on the deck, annual plants are out. I much prefer perennials as far as flowers go.

Another thing I have a lot of in my garden is groundcover. There are a few gardens that just don’t get the attention they should and a good thick carpet of periwinkle means that I’m not always pulling weeds in those gardens which makes my life a lot easier on the gardening front. Plus I’ve managed to somehow have both white and purple flowers in the same garden and I’m kind of in love with the white ones.

My mum and I shared a love of wildflowers, and the gardens in the front are a testament to that love. We have wild phlox beginning to flower (it’s in the not so pretty pre-flowering stage where I have to remind myself that it’s tall and awkward right now but it’s not a weed so I need to leave it where it is) in 2 or 3 different gardens. There are also a ton of  tiger lilies that we brought from our old house when we moved here 15 years ago. Those plants were brought to that house from the side of the road where mum and a friend dug up a few and they spread quite well. Around here tiger lilies are also known as ditch lilies because they grow by the roadside. Right now they’re just a mass of green foliage but later in the summer there will be gorgeous orange blooms and the best part is they’re less lily-like than most so I don’t sneeze every time I go by them. Then there are the trilliums we rescued from behind the hydro shed up the road about a decade ago. They were doing some construction and mum stopped and asked the workers what they were doing with the trilliums - and the worker just shrugged  and said ‘composting’. We asked if we could transplant some and they said sure just do it by the following week. We both knew that trilliums don’t transplant particularly well from the wild but figured it was worth a shot.  We dug up about 10 trilliums along with some of the soil around them and planted them in similar conditions (under trees and other shady spots in well drained soil) in our gardens in twos and threes.  8 of them took and we now have gorgeous trilliums coming up every year. I can’t help but think of mum every time I look in the garden and see them.

All this time spent in the garden made it easy to choose my word for Word Wednesday (even if it’s not going to get published until Thursday because life happened). I am often asked what a perennial plant is when I’m talking about my garden. A perennial plant is one that comes back every year and often one that flowers throughout the growing season.  So hostas, periwinkle, bleeding hearts, and trilliums are perennials since they show up every year and don’t need much other than dead-heading and occasional dividing. The periwinkle leaves are around all year but the hostas disappear in late fall as do the trilliums and bleeding hearts only to reappear the following spring. Perennial plants are different from annual plants that only live one or at most two years (depending where you live some plants are annuals vs perennials because they don’t overwinter well). Yes annuals are pretty - I love geraniums in planters but I hate planting them every year so I admire them in the gardens of my friends and in the hanging baskets around town. The word perennial comes from the Latin root per (through) and annus (year).

Perennial (pe·ren·ni·al) adjective

1.Lasting or existing for a long or apparently infinite time; enduring or continually recurring.

2. (of a plant)  Living for several years